I Didn't Want To
by MatveyJeevas
Summary: After a long evening of studying in the library, Lily wants to experiment a little, but her best friend Severus Snape does not seem so willing. Threeshot, 3rd year, 5th year summer, 7th year.


Madam Pince was shooing everyone out of the library as the Hogwarts curfew drew nearer. First years had already gone to their dormitories and second years all got kicked out half an hour ago. The rest of the students bookmarked their studies and shuffled out, most heading toward their dormitories, but some sneaking away into broom closets with their boyfriends or girlfriends in other Houses.

Fourteen-year-old Lily Evans placed a piece of scrap parchment into _The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 3_ and tapped her friend Severus Snape on the shoulder. He glanced up from his own textbook and smiled tiredly at her. They walked together out of the library, arms full of scrolls and books and quills. Magic was not allowed outside of class, but it was common for that rule only to be followed near adults and strict Prefects; once they got into the hallway, Lily charmed their belongings to follow in front of them.

Severus rubbed his shoulder wearily and began to organize the floating objects in a neat stack. Lily rolled her eyes, leaving her things in chaos. She poked through to find some candy and handed a sugar quill to Severus.

"Thanks," he said, placing a real quill atop his pile and accepting the sweet one.

They walked in silence for a while, tongues coated with sugar, and Lily every so often looked over at her friend, wringing her hands and biting her bottom lip. She noticed the way he licked some of the sticky lollipop from the outside of his mouth, and quickly looked down at the floor. This was going to be… weird. She had been thinking for a while, and, well… why not?

Lily's hands felt numb, but she tried to keep her cool. A little way ahead, there was a door slightly ajar and Lily looked around the hallway quickly to make sure they were alone. When they reached the door, she was glad to see that her prediction was right: it was a broom closet. She stopped walking and stopped wringing her hands together. Severus halted as well, turning toward her with questions in his eyes. She smiled at him a little apologetically and spoke casually, confidently.

"Hey, Sev," she said. "I was thinking, we should kiss."

His pale face reddened into a deep blush at these words. Lily suppressed a giggle at his wide, surprised eyes, and she tried to look very serious in his direction.

Severus opened his mouth to speak, sputtering. She wondered briefly what her best friend was thinking. Lily had kissed boys before, but she knew Severus had not ever kissed anyone. So… maybe he would accept? Regardless, they both stood facing each other for several long moments.

"Sev?" she repeated, taking a small step forward.

He flinched and fell back a little, bumping into his books and stuttering again. Lily eyed his lips for a moment and shrugged, still trying to be casual and cool.

"Come on," she prompted. "I mean, I'm a girl and you're a boy and we're best friends, but it doesn't have to change anything. It's just a kiss, and well, why not?"

Her words seemed to have no effect on his expression, if anything they even worsened it. His brows were knitted together, mouth a strange thin line of confusion, head slightly upturned and altogether he looked like a deer in headlights. Lily was beginning to think that maybe this was a silly idea, but just as she was thinking that, Severus choked out a few words,

"Wh-what do you mean-?"

She couldn't help but laugh at that. "You know what I mean," she interrupted.

His eyes fell to the floor.

Lily reached out her hand and put it behind his neck, giving him this half-lidded gaze she practiced in the mirror sometimes. She gently tugged him into the closet. Severus's entire complexion had become ruddy. He was tense, but Lily stepped closer and even though she didn't need to, got onto her tiptoes and pressed her lips onto his, tasting the candy.

It was a strange moment. Severus hardly had time to register what was happening before she pulled away, smiling and looking very much like the flower she was named after; all innocent and dimples. The air felt hot and heavy with the awkwardness of the young teens, and Lily let out a short sigh before stepping backwards and out of the closet, pushing some hair behind her ear. She started walking again and took several steps before he followed, closing the door behind him.

"What was that?" he said suddenly, or rather, demanded.

Lily glanced over her shoulder and smiled. "I just wanted to kiss you."

He crossed his arms, giving her a very upset look. "What if I didn't want to kiss you?"

"You weren't complaining. And your face was bright red, Sev, I thought that you _did_."

"Well, I didn't—"

"Sorry," she said. "Okay? I'm sorry. It's already in the past. It won't happen again."

Severus shut his mouth and was very disgruntled, not only at her mild hostility, but also her statement that it wouldn't happen again. Okay, so _maybe_ Severus had wanted to kiss her. And maybe he wanted to again. And again. It was nice. And it was _Lily_, the girl he'd been in love with since they were little.

But she didn't speak again and he felt too uneasy to bring it up. They walked to the staircase and he went down to the dungeon, she up to the Fat Lady's portrait.


End file.
